I have been thinking about starting this blog for a while, I see lots of posts from friends who are dancers and mothers or mothers-to-be who are having similar experiences to myself and so I thought I would share a little of mine. I think it is also a lot for me, so I do not loose these thoughts in the mists of the sleep deprivation that is to come.
I'm currently in the third trimester of my second pregnancy and have been doing a lot of pondering about motherhood and what it is teaching me about my dance practice. I probably did this in the third trimester of my first pregnancy, but I didn't write it down, and there have been a lot of sleepless nights since then, so it is almost as if I am experiencing it for the first time again! The realisation that there is a new little person imminently on their way into the world has dawned. As many new mums and mums-to-be will tell you, the concept of making a small person is a bit baffling. I cease to be me as I have been until now, I have become a home. A home that nurtures, nourishes and protects, if I think about it too much the responsibility becomes overwhelming. On occasion I forget that I am pregnant (I know it sounds daft, but when I am engaged in the things that are so habitual to me, commuting to work, brushing my teeth, I forget, until a wave of nausea or little jab in ribs or bladder reminds me), then I am brought back to the now, to become aware of these early days of motherhood again. When I dance, especially when I improvise, the presence of the tiny person inside me, and the awareness that I am more than I have been before, is never more present. My dance becomes a duet, this idea is probably more obvious viewing from the outside, than it is to me from within the dance, as the ever growing bump is a visible cue to acknowledge the presence of another. My movements are different, the constant renegotiation of my balance makes settling into habits difficult, my decisions are considered on based on my rapidly altering figure and how I can work with this me. I have begun to realise that making a baby really does have a lot in common with making work. Being engaged in these two acts of creativity side by side is bringing me closer to my practice. I am guided to question, where as previously I may have acted habitually, I am encouraged to explore new opportunities, where as before I may have stuck with the old, and I am steered into the present to process the ever changing environment surrounding and within me.
I'm currently in the third trimester of my second pregnancy and have been doing a lot of pondering about motherhood and what it is teaching me about my dance practice. I probably did this in the third trimester of my first pregnancy, but I didn't write it down, and there have been a lot of sleepless nights since then, so it is almost as if I am experiencing it for the first time again! The realisation that there is a new little person imminently on their way into the world has dawned. As many new mums and mums-to-be will tell you, the concept of making a small person is a bit baffling. I cease to be me as I have been until now, I have become a home. A home that nurtures, nourishes and protects, if I think about it too much the responsibility becomes overwhelming. On occasion I forget that I am pregnant (I know it sounds daft, but when I am engaged in the things that are so habitual to me, commuting to work, brushing my teeth, I forget, until a wave of nausea or little jab in ribs or bladder reminds me), then I am brought back to the now, to become aware of these early days of motherhood again. When I dance, especially when I improvise, the presence of the tiny person inside me, and the awareness that I am more than I have been before, is never more present. My dance becomes a duet, this idea is probably more obvious viewing from the outside, than it is to me from within the dance, as the ever growing bump is a visible cue to acknowledge the presence of another. My movements are different, the constant renegotiation of my balance makes settling into habits difficult, my decisions are considered on based on my rapidly altering figure and how I can work with this me. I have begun to realise that making a baby really does have a lot in common with making work. Being engaged in these two acts of creativity side by side is bringing me closer to my practice. I am guided to question, where as previously I may have acted habitually, I am encouraged to explore new opportunities, where as before I may have stuck with the old, and I am steered into the present to process the ever changing environment surrounding and within me.
Juliana
This was filmed a week before my first daughter arrived. I headed down to Talacre beach about 10mins drive from where I lived at the time after noticing the beautiful sunset colours appearing in the sky. I placed my camera (a little wonkily) on some rocks and began to film. I had about 10mins before the sun disappeared and the tide engulfed my camera.
Quando a maré baixar, vou ver Juliana, vou ver Juliana e, vou ver Juliana
When the tide retreats, I will see Juliana, I will see Juliana, I will see Juliana
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